Sunday, February 15, 2009

Things Marc and I have argued about...

I'm moving most of my blog over from Myspace to this blog to archive some of the material before I take my Myspace site down. So, this was something that I posted a couple months ago:


Well, I am--apparently--late to the 2003 book, Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About by Mil Millington. It seems pretty cute and I've seen references to it just this past week on three separate occasions.

So, in an effort to avoid writing on the never ending hell that is my doctoral dissertation, I offer for your amusement:

Things My Boyfriend and I Have Argued About:

1. Conserving energy. (i.e., turning off the lights when you leave a room, closing the refrigerator door, turning off the water when brushing your teeth). Since I pay the electric bill each month, I'll let you guess who was nagging whom.

2. The over-use of the words "sanctimonious," "metadiscourse," and "retarded" in casual conversations. (I like to find ways to get $10 words--like "heretofore"--in everyday conversations. And, we had a huge knock down drag out over the Black Eye Pea's use of the word "retarded" in their song "Let's Get Retarded." Marc said the word was used in part of a larger discursive conversation; I disagreed. Strongly. For about 3 hours.)

3. Myspace Friend Lists. This one actually went on waaay too long on my part. Like 4 hours. Okay, more like 6. (He has an ex-friend of mine as a "friend" on his myspace. I want her deleted. He doesn't care--"It's myspace. Who gives a fuck?" I feel like it's a high school party and I'm the only one not invited.)

4. Ex-girlfriends. (He uninvited me to a wedding, after I drove 3 hours to get there, because his ex-girlfriend was attending.)

5. A Chiptole Burrito. (I was hungry. He wasn't. He implied I was weak. I turned into the Hulk to prove him wrong.)

6. Nacho Cheese, aka "The Nacho Cheese Fight." (I ordered a side of queso at Taco Bueno, which he confiscated when I went to the bathroom. I was furious. If he wanted queso, he could've ordered his own.)

7. A Slice of Cheesecake. (Instead of a birthday cake, he brought me a slice of cheesecake. Not even an entire cheesecake. And, it was 4 hours late. And, I don't like cheesecake.)

8. My Driving.

9. His Driving.

10. Grammar. (I was editing a paper of his. He was mad because I found some errors. Sue me.)

11. Whether he should stay up all night and sleep all day. (I write this knowing full well that it's 1:00 a.m. in the morning.)

12. Whether the boys should've had to walk home from school in the cold.

13. The use of the preposition "of" and "because" in a sentence. (We're nerds. That's what nerds do.)

14. Whether or not I actually had a migraine one night.

15. Whether or not he was being "ugly" to me about my migraine.

16. Five dollars. (It was my $5.00 He said that's "not money." I said that "it sure as hell is when it's my money.")

17. Whether we see more of "his" movies or "mine." (Exhibit A, B, and C: Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, The Dark Night.)

18. Whether ghosts exist or not. (Yea, not too proud of this one.)

19. The fact that I'm a great girlfriend. (During those times that he "forgets." Does he think his chicken breast cooks itself?)

20. Whether I'm really a feminist. (Because I cooked said chicken breast for him.)

21. Whether I would want clean clothes taken out of the dryer and put on top of dirty clothes or pt on the bed, aka "The Dryer Fight." ([cue sarcasm] Because it just makes complete sense to put clean, dry clothes on top of dirty, nasty, wet ones.) I'm not kidding here. We fought for 4 hours over whether I was saying he was "stupid" for putting clean clothes on top of the dirty ones. For the record, I wasn't saying he was stupid. Just careless. That's different.

22. A Burger King Whopper Junior. (It was Spain. I was hungry. (I'm noticing a pattern here.) Anyways, I was willing to pay $7.00 for a Whopper Junior. He told me to suck it up and eat the tapas. To quit being a baby and a pain in the ass. I told him to suck it. If I wanted a Whopper Junior, I make my own money. I'll sure as hell buy myself a Whopper Junior. He walked off and left me sitting alone (with my burger) on a street corner in Spain. But, he did come back. After 45 minutes.)

23. Whether I should be watching Pride and Prejudice/ Bridget Jones' Diary/ Sex and the City/ Arrested Development/ Scrubs for the 1000th time. Even if I can recite the dialogue. And, the plot never changes.

24. Why he isn't an organ donor. (Needless to say, this fight went on for several hours. He response: "Respect my decision." My retort: "I don't have to respect your decision. It's stupid. And, so what if I don't respect it. What are you going to do about it? Command that I respect it?")

25. The T.V. Remote. (He bought the t.v. I pay the cable. He keeps putting it on BET. I keep going back to HGTV.)

26. Whether he was being a dick. (He was. I got mad. Problem: We were driving back from Houston to Dallas. I pulled over at a Dairy Queen in the middle of nowhere and threatened to just "walk home" from here. I'm anything, if not, sensible.)

27. Who's the bigger pack-rat. (He is. Do we really need copies of student papers from 2003? Boxes of random wires/computer parts? And, if he disagrees, he can write his own flippin' blog.)

28. Arguments. (Who started them. Who's arguing and who's "just talking." Who's yelling and who's just "talking loud with inflection.")

29. Whether I roll my head when I roll my eyes. (which I do.)

30. Whether you can say "never" and "always" in a fight. (I say it's always a good idea to never say "never" in a fight.)

31. Whether psychology is complete bunk that applies to ALL human beings or just the Westerners that most Western psychologists have studied. (Do we really know that the stages of development are the same for the Amazon tribes that have never been exposed to modern civilizations? I say not. And, yes, we really did argue of this.)

32. Whether anime is just a glorified genre of "cartoon."

33. Whether the thermostat should be set at 73 or 78 degrees at night. (Heretofore, we are back at the beginning. See fight 1.)

34. Whether he should clip his toe nails in my bed. (Please note the first person possessive pronoun in "MY bed.")

35. Whether it's possible to or whether one should stop buying plants.

36. Whether my feet are cold or not.

And, for all of you who say that you NEVER fight with your sig other, you can suck it. Because, we're just practicing for the Big One. And, because we've tackled nacho cheese, his driving, and my cold feet, we'll be prepared to tackle anything.